Ever feel like you’re tightroping that wire between getting messed with and going crazy? I recently did. Every morning for about a week, the clothes on the bottom rack of my shelf had become unfolded and formed a trail from the rack to the staircase. I figured it was Andrea — she’s certainly been schooled in the Lingle art of surprise — but I was waking up before her, and I wasn’t convinced that skulduggery would supplant sleep in her order of priorities. Then I literally captured the culprit (see picture above): Raghetti. Pirate dog. Named after the Pirates of the Caribbean character that lost his eyeball.

Raghetti is a Chihuahua rescue. I commend my in-laws’ compassion and vision when selecting him. Raghetti is not, how do I say this politely, a fetching fido. His right eye is not closed in that picture; it’s just not there. He is not licking my sweat shorts in that picture; he has lost control of his tongue and it permanently droops from his mouth. He has also lost all his teeth. What he’s lost in teeth, however, he’s gained in fleas. Lots of them. He spends most of his waking hours, which for a dog that seems more comfortable in a catatonic state is only a few hours per day, attempting to lick those fleas from his body. The fleas, based on my cursory observation, seem mostly concentrated in his nether regions.

Raghetti is also the house rooster. Every morning, at the first sniff of sunshine, he wakes the house with an onslaught of simultaneous sneezes/burps/snorts/farts. Prior to Raghetti, scientists did not know that was physically possible. It’s quite the alarming and disconcerting sound. But it does the job.

Another impressive Raghetti trait: the ratio of his daily poop weight to his actual weight. It’s gotta be darn near even. He poops at least four times per day (twice on each of his bi-daily walks). This is, from what I can tell, another scientific marvel.

Yet despite these somewhat unflattering characteristics, one cannot help but love Raghetti. He’s like Sloth from Goonies: if you can look past his face, and catch him during one of his three waking hours, you just want to hug him.

4 thoughts on “Raghetti

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